The process

Now that I officially approved, I had some real soul searching to do. The idea of surrogacy was exciting on paper but when I realized this was actually a possibility, that excitement shifted to apprehension.

What would I tell my kids? What would my parents think? Can my body handle another pregnancy? Can I handle the morning sickness, on top of having 3 of my own kids now? What if something went wrong during delivery?

Before I got in too deep, I sounded the idea out with our kids. I needed to know that this decision would not negatively impact my own family. Ooooh there were questions from Ellie! Why wouldn't it be my baby? Why wouldn't we keep it? Then how are babies made? We quickly got into the biology of things, as much as you can with an 8 year old without putting it all out there - if you know what I mean! But I saw this as a TREMENDOUS learning opportunity. Every family is different, and unique. And some families need more help than others getting started. Ellie asked why this family didn't want to just adopt - which is a wonderful question! And I am so glad she asked. Because adoption is another amazing way to grow your family. And while I couldn't really answer that question for her, I simply said everyone heart leads them in a different direction.

When Ellie learned that women release eggs from their ovaries, she determined that was more than she needed to know.

"Grossssssss! Can we be done talking about this?" she winced. Laughing to myself I said "of course." But I needed her to understand why this wasn't  "our" baby. In the end, she understood and settled the conversation with an offer. "I'm fine not keeping the baby mom, as long as I can hold it once after you have it."  Absolutely my love.

I've been asked multiple times if I"ll really be ok giving this baby up. And here's the thing -- this baby isn't mine! So this answer is an emphatic, yes!! I am looking forward to seeing sheer happiness on this new mother's face and selfishly going home after birth and immediately sleeping through the night!

Feeling our friends and family was ---- a whole different beast. I knew my best friends would be supportive. Of course I knew which friends/neighbors/family members weren't real enthused with my decision. It didn't have to be said. The expression on their face or the lack of questions to ask how I was doing sounded loudly.  But I had to remind myself that surrogacy is not for everyone. In fact, its not for most people. That's why there's such a huge demand for it. So it wouldn't be realistic to expect everyone to jump with enthusiasm. But for those of you who did- I love you even more for doing so!

Once I sounded this out on my closest tribe of friends, I proceed onward with the application. Next up...psych eval!

Michael and I completed an hour skype session with a licensed therapist who basically vetted us. She asked us questions about our childhoods, a whole bunch of questions about our support system, concerns and fears we had, and our motivations for doing this. It was sort of nice validation to have -- to know that someone else also thought we could handle this experience.